Living 2.5 minutes away by bike is a pretty close distance! The only ways I can accomplish this is to either borrow the $100k (through HELOC) or sell the house and split the proceeds and move to a new home. Please do take the best possible care of yourself. Update:Some of the negative speculators have assumed your wife dumped you because you were too frugal. This part may be necessary to address because of the money theme of this blog. . We were in constant communication, sometimes daily about what was happening in our kids worldhomework, sports, friends, etc. While the first year was very difficult, as you mention. NFTE-national entrepreneurship organization We must find these organizations ourselves. But without my divorce, and my solitude time to absorb my lessons, I would not have the wonderful relationship I enjoy today. Trust and believe finding your site was a blessing. Is it good for my finances? Since you are a numbers guy, let me share with you my numbers on marriage. What year did Mr money Mustache retire? Definitely one of the classics. So thats the bad news. Anyway, I agree with what youve said. MMM, good for you re civil divorce. Or sustainable living community. And I find it to be important to pay attention to what peoples actions say, and how they can affect you, and how those actions affect relationships. The answer is NO. The Bludger I dont think its over simplified at all. I think you have the exact right approach and for right reasons. Mr. Been There For me my friends who had known me for decades came through like long time friends do. Friendships and businesses will fail. December 31, 2018, 6:41 pm. Inspired by the sage teachings of Mr. Money Mustache, these calculators are designed to help you better plan for financial independence. [To the haters: You wanna judge? So aim to survive. Well, yeah. Every human needs and deserves to be accepted and loved even the people who drive us crazy and even those who treat us poorly. Alas sometimes parting ways is the best choice. Spark-youth 10-week career mentorship program The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. Also, if possible get rid of the car (assuming you have one and the kids are big enough to use public transport by themselves) and start biking. MAD Wealth A divorced friend told me that, when one door closes another one opensbut the halls a bitch. In these moments I need to constantly reminder myself how good I actually have it- how lucky and blessed am I?! Maybe so. Thank you. BTW I want to add that tomorrow January 1 is the first day of the year I turn 55. And for those who have been through this and gotten through the other side and found happiness, go ahead and share your message of hope. Because sometimes life just serves up a shit salad and we dont have a choice in the matter, but wealwayshave a choice of how to respond to it. At this age, people have mellowed and learned from their past relationships and are moving on to a new free stage of life since our kids (if any) are growing up. When he got back she waited to see if the affair would continue then had him served divorce papers while he was in bed with the neighbor. 55 end in divorce. I went through a Cat 5 divorce, it cost a bomb and there wasnt much left after my ex raided all the accounts, (never was held accountable) and the Attorneys bills of $300k plus. We can get right back to work on positive things to rebuild our lives. Thanks for sharing. My wife has been a divorce mediator for 25 years and helps me stay keyed to both the negative and positive sides of struggles between spouses or parents and those close to them over separating their family while jointly tending to children. Hugs from the internet :), Mustachio The only way to survive this is to ignore it and focus on your own internal compass. I dont feel that I have any immediate risks with my marriage but I have to ask myself why I have put so little effort into improving this critical part of my life. When the ball drops tonight, I start my second career which Im very excited about. So the bad news is that there is definitely such thing as too late. At some point, the idea of working on a marriage sounds like hell because you have been waiting for so long to be able to escape it. It was after we started with Gatsby toward the house that the gardener saw Wilson's. body a little way off in the grass, and the holocaust was complete. And mellower and friendlier. Mrs. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. It sounds as though youre both stellar role models. So I have already placed a number of holds on the 5 Languages of Love, which looks to be quite the franchise. Remember reading that some Buddhist believe that suffering is a path to Nirvana. . As one friend puts it, Being a divorced coparent is like being the co-owner of a business. Robinson I am really sad hearing this man. fundicin a presin; gases de soldadura; filtracion de aceite espreado/rociado; industria alimenticia; sistema de espreado/rociado de lubricante para el molde Ive always thought marriage was a risky endeavor and to be taken with extreme patience. Figure half of the remaining 45 marriages are happy marriages. I would describe myself as satisfactorily married. Some of these (below) are nation-wide and some in Los Angeles County area only. Welcome fellow Mustachians! If you have any additional tips for me I would be most grateful. I left someone whom I had a child with three years ago. Very brave to share that news. All the best! In March of 2017, I listened to you on the Tim Ferriss podcast and then devoured your entire backlist. There no perfect way to navigate this minefield and I cant imagine how difficukt it must be as someone with a cult like following. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after the death of his wife. The FIRE group also has some other meetings like game nights in addition to their monthly meeting. My very amicable divorce became final just two days ago, and i find it normalizing and validating to read your experience. Im so glad to hear you were able to find a suitable house nearby. Add to that a divorce where I left with nothing, as I don't believe in spousal support ( I know). But the good news is that it mightnotbe too late for you, if you do want to stay married. Your story has only motivated me to pay more attention to the little things with my wife. And for those being nagged: you cannotignorethe requests of your partner for years, and expectthemto forgive you for that either. Logistics matter a lot more than people realize, and this will ensure you see each other more often than if you lived a car ride away. I like your advice heck where were u when I divorced 25 yrs ago. because I already have bikes Love it. Anonymous MMMlifestyle Same here. They are who they are and while you cant change them, you cant make the world any better by spitting venom back at them. Hope to read more posts like this in the future! I had the right approach (as in not go through an expensive divorce) but my reasons for doing the right thing was because I enjoyed the pain of doing the right thing. Its so easy to take your relationship for granted and we could all use a reminder to be more appreciative and understanding of our spouses. Sorry to hear about this. We still celebrate family events together (Christmas, graduations, etc.). I just had the best year of my life, largely because of the influence youve had on me. No wonder relationships are so difficult! And because I continue to enjoy writing and working, my income may continue to stay high through this next stage of my life. I love this stuff and could talk about how rewarding it is to give back and encourage others to pursue their dreams and practice the financial basics. From the outside, it looked like a well-working marriage. Hypermilling could possibly decrease the cost of my gas by $1/hour (assuming you can get about 15% better mileage) or I could just drive a little faster (below the speeding threshold) and work to minimize delays when picking up a dropping off passengers. I am happy that you are ok and I am looking forward to continue being mentored and inspired by your blog. Check out meetup and Facebook groups. My prior career doesnt exist in the US. It was still extremely painful but she definitely played it to her advantage. Perhaps the parents went through a bitter divorce . And most notably from the perspective of early retirement and financial independence, havingenoughmoney in advance has made this part of the split much less painful. Thats what Ill be up to in 2019. I was ready to move on in life. Your approach is similar to how my European friends handle these situations down to earth and practical-minded with no shame. While my only experience in relationships was a year long, long distance relationship, when it ended, it was really horrible. January 1, 2019, 3:35 pm. Very sorry to hear, but love your attitude about it. The dating pool for 40 plus people is actually a wonderful place, as long as you live in an area with your own type of people (for me this is educated, oudoorsy professional types preferably a bit quirky and artsy and nerdy as well). You two show so much maturity in handling this, I can only hope I grow up to be someone like that. Mspbiker This was not my experience and it is my hope for those who are currently going through the initial stages of this process, or are years past the initial event and are still healing, to continue to let time work its mystical magic. Pay attention to the new experiences you have on this journey. December 31, 2018, 5:47 pm, Ironic that you posted this today I was divorced five years ago on 12 31 2013. Building everyone up and never, ever tearing anyone down. Also we never talked bad about the other. Those are pretty bad odds. There are a lot of resourceful folks here willing to help. My divorce and loss of five kids was the biggest tragedy of my life but has led to the best thing in life: a solid and reliable relationship with God that brings peace and eventually a new marriage. And I would venture to say thatbothof us parents are going to come out of the experience much better off than we were before. In fact, when rumour of our separation got out, multiple gossipy and negative and downright distasteful discussions formed around the Internet on Reddit, other bloggers websites, even right here on my own forum. I am going for the Fearless Maximum approach. Im not going to sit here and pretend that there werent plenty of harsh moments for both of us, both before and during this experience, with plenty more still to come. I have been rereading your blog to see how I can keep my head above water. You may have to pay only the most essential bills that keep you and your kids housed, warm and fed. On a sunny September morning in downtown Longmont, Colo., 80 or so people are packed into the Mr. Money Mustache headquarters. Given how long things had been sliding in my marriage it surprised me that in a very short period of time (no affairs) it was like a switch was flipped and I knew there was nothing left in me that wanted the relationship to continue. I have been a fan of MMM for years, I see you found his site just two days ago I really recommend reading all of his posts from the beginning of time He has a real good handle on what otta be important.