Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. Be true to yourself, and your children. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. I didnt sign up for this garbage! I tried to think that it was OK, I still had company and friendship. Divorce? When we were young, we had sex every single day. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. Not you at all by the sounds of it. What to do about it: Make sure your wife knows you see her as a sexy beingcompliment her often, give her simmering kisses and affectionate touch, and do these things without tying the gestures to requests for sex. Some could be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin, or abuse. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! I realized that her life and passion are our girls (which she refers to as her girls). I have a similar problem but my situation is somewhat different as I am not on a lot of meds, and I am not unhappy with my life as an individual, but with my husband well, yes I kind of am unhappy with that aspect of my life. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? Im 69 and still active. Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Period. Women love that. Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. nuff said. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. Just need the fortitude to go. Its bad. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. Before I married my second wife, Vicky told me she made a terrible mistake, still loves me and wanted back. I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. I have been married since 1983. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. My wife and I now both sleep with settled stomachs (and I dont wake hungry in the night). Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. High blood pressure They need not be. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. Dang! We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. Almost all new moms experience what is medically described as the baby blues a sudden feeling of sadness after giving birth, coupled with mood swings and irritability, among other symptoms. Period!!! The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? Fix it. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like shes failing at this parenting thing. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. Its at least mean . Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. We seem to have fallen into a marriage without sex. I would like to add that many women also feel a great deal of resentment which builds over time I had literally experienced everything you mentioned in your post and then I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer. First, that every interaction will be based on trust. I am male. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. Yeah. I am afraid Buck is correct. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. A pill? One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. We are just roommates. But very tired of masterbating. Key points. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. I want that back in my life as well! When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. The guy is a magnet! Absolute rubbish! Am I doomed? And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Stan, I so badly need a woman An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. Im 47 and this happened to me. There are many reasons. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. He doesn't feel confident about his body. Are you crazy? I dont know why Im still here. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. Many claim that its women who become dis- He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. Then, let the pouting begin. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. Lets face it, as women age, many lose sex drive, along with experiencing a good number of other sexual problems. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13.