RIP. After a few months we started dating- the girls love him- I love him. What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? I have actual pain when the tears come and my grief is not abating. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. Biden's order included a 60-day review. My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. I had always been an optimistic, happy person. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. I sobbed daily for two months. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). Today I took an afternoon nap and when I woke up., i finally got dressed at 5:00 why bother. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). Now that I am starting the second year, I am finding it is much harder to be that strong person that everyone thinks I am. The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. I truly admire your honesty. - Unknown. My spouse died suddenly also. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . I show up for life but just get my body there. He never opened his eyes. I just feel as if I have been abandoned and lonely. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. Thank you my heart goes out to you very much Don. I hope you have found your way I am not the same person I was. This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. I understand your grief. I loved My wife 12/15/2018 just a week before Christmas Just a week before that she got to see most of her family at her grandmothers funeral. The pain is worth it and no one is spared. Twenty people. Things will get better and you are not alone. Im exactly where you are right now! I was only 49. He died within days of me telling him. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. Maybe I am afraid that I would one day forget the sound of my dads voice, his smiles and stories. He lived with leukaemia for 7 years and it was being managed and seemed to be doing well. If you filed a paper return, you may not be able to check on the status until four . I was never like this. Nothing left for me. Love to everyone out there. 2019 has been a year of firsts without them and Im not ready for Christmas this year or the 1st anniversary of my sisters death. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. Someone once said you never get over it Its becoming real and it sucks. Tried to find jobs, went on interviews but no call back. I hold his hand,calling his name tried to woke him up, then a nurse came to me and asked if I needed to call a priest, I was so shocked! I still have Sophie, another king charles. Im just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether its short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. Im at the stage now where Ive accepted this, and Im finding all sorts of ways to help myself exercise, meditation, good food, hobbies, time with friends, whatever helps. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . Very sorry for your loss and the passing of your husband, please accept my condolences. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. Forgetting them or desiring to do so is not an option. Isolated judged alone. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? wow. Ignore them but do not hold it in. Its easier but than again it isnt. I was numb the first year, but Know Its really hard. Ive missed her terribly for two years. Anyway it felt good to post this here. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. 1 time she was just glowing and smiling but did not talk. I know how you feel. Thats for sure. I still grieving my life totally revoved around them especially when mum got sick. real visitors with unique IPs. Even though it had been months since it happened, I could see where the earth had been turned over for proably 50 yards. With over 18 stays in the hospital and 29 procedures to keep her liver going. Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . While we may be by ourselves we are never truly alone, I feel your pain and now you know mine. creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. Any suggestions. I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. If I could have taken all her pain for her, I wouldve. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. In an odd way, I dont want to be done because I feel like if I stop thinking about her then that means I have stopped loving her (which I know isnt true, but thats how it feels). He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. There is hope; the sun does shine again. I did see a counselor. I know your pain I loss our Stepdaughter in January 1992 and My Mr. Lee in July 2016. Its been twenty months and it breaks my heart. Allie, it has to get better. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. Nothing i do or say can change what happened. Like everyone else who has had a loss the pain seems to go on and on. My husband died 8 mos ago. I have days of no energy or ambition. I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. Dunno if I will ever heal completely and not sure if qould want to if I could. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. Sometimes I feel its the house we lived in thats keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone. We waited so long for each other. Peace be with you all. The little things that you wished you would have done more often, the I love yous you didnt say enough, even the Im sorry, just being able to hold them again, to have them come home. Thirty years after I left school I met up with a group I'd been in the sixth form with that I'd not seen since I left - now we see each other every few months. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these. We did not have any children its just me & my 4 dogs & other pets that we both adored. One day we will be together again. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. Iwant to stop talking about him as much, but cant. Year one: dont even remember. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. I know exactly what you mean. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic, Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyones stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. I have not traveled this road as long as you have but I can not imagine a time where I will not miss my love nor a time when tears and despair will not arise but I can see where I will be better though it may be a long time from now. Most of the time I cover my feelings up so people dont know how I really feel. And usually in his favourite colours. I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike. Week Number Calculator - Find the week number for any date. I cry everyday- he was my everything and I miss our family we created together .I dont think Ill ever feel any better. I dont understand why! I can not and will not just put my son aside like he wasnt an amazing person. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. Most importantly church, Its been 2and a half months since my fiance died suddenly day after Xmas 2020. That was the dilemma facing Americans who received $1,200 stimulus payments in 2020 by paper check or direct deposit, in the names of deceased spouses and other family members. I went back to work on March 25th not long after his passing because I kinda freaked out when there was no money coming in yet so back to work I went. Im so sorry. Absolutely no warning. I stay busy. On the anniversary of his funeral, I lost it. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. He had been dead over 10 hours so what we found was brutal, excruciating. We did everything together. He was my life. The lord said it was not my time. Ann! My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and died 14 days later from a brain hemorrhage resulting from the chemo treatment. Im the only left to help them. Dont know how to be happy. If anyone can help me with this . I take one step then the next then the next. It starts like a small fire being ignited in the pit of my stomach that begins to swell and push upward. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. I dread Christmas. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. No amount of time can heal the sorrow of your passing away. I try to be positive and move forward. that came with her struggle. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. She was my heart, my everything. i even patted myself on the back when i got thru that first year. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. Its been a year. i have faith it will get easier somehow.but in that each of our circumstances are different, i just felt the need to feel sori for myself a minute. Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. Comparing him to my late husband. I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. Can I move on and remain? Year number 1 I was numb. I felt relieved when he passed away, because I know he's not hurting anymore. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. I could see the tree that was snapped in half. I would be very grateful. I lost my dad 14 months ago, and today I feel as though I had just lost him this morning. She deserves a life filled with hope and happy times. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. My best friend, and my doctor, said I should be over her death by now. 26 Likes, TikTok video from Chantra Keobunta (@chantrakkeobunta): "It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. But I guess it wasnt enough to keep him by my side. I feel like Im struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. She was 96. 17 years, but only suffered the last 2 years as life drained away from him. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . " People often say that time heals all wounds. Lisa Zaleski, who lives in White Lake, Mich., confronted the unimaginable, first losing her daughter, Sydney, in June 2017 at the age of 23 in a car accident, then her son Robert in December 2019 . How could you do this to me? We have another child to care for, but It is so hard to simply function at even a basic level now. Death Anniversary Messages. For now, thats all were able to do. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. You see as more time passes, the enormity of the loss is more amplified. Trying the best I could to just be. I lost my beautiful wife to colorectal cancer on Valentines Day 2020. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. 6 more people passed including my father. We were about 17 years apart. From the day we met until the day she died was 7 days less than a year. The second year was guilt with each step I took to move on. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. And had the door open when I came home at night. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. I have also lost my fear of flying since my husband died on November 14, 2018. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. I was a nurse for 17 yrs, and I could see the signs. A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. 6) All my life I kept wishing to grow older so I could finally move out and do my own thing. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. If DATEDIF produces a result in an unexpected format, ensure that no pre-existing format has been applied to the cell. I saw your post. Ill know when the time is right. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. Shapes of the clouds. He was sitting straight up holding his soda and gone.The widow Maker., 58 years old we were together as freshman/sophmore since 1977 he was my soul mate confident best friend and lover. I lost my younger sister to sepsis January this year. The pain is awful. Hospitals wouldnt admit. Im living for him as well. Its been 16 months since my husband of 51 years died. I yearn so badly just to be with him. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. Sometimes he can't sleep at night and stay wide awake at 4am thinking about her. Hi my name is Robin and Im having a difficult time 1.5 year post the loss of 1 of 2 of my sisters my big sissysas I called them Lisa passed 9 years ago as she fought 2 weeks in a coma,where I stayed by her side singing to her reading and talking to her as lupus slowly shut down all of her organs.I know she heard me because a single tear rolled down her face while there was still some brain activity but she wasnt coming back and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful loving and kind 47 year old sister who was 9 years older than me.It hit me hard I had no grandparent death to prepare me as I had none my parents were both orphans at the ages of 9.My world changed in October of 2012 in an instant although it didnt hit me right away as I was working 12 hour days as a single mother trying to put my life back together after 23 years of an abusive marriage which failed and we ended up divorcing that December of 2012.I wasnt alone thru that i had Kimberly my other big sissy who was 11 years older than me.We were there for each other to lean on and cry with..comfort. Im pretty much numb. I continue to struggle everyday with my loss. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. Feel like Ive gone back to the early days of losing him. Im supposed to just forget. I do hope this helps someone or anyone who is going through a really hard time. This happen to me. Which is understandable. The death of your child and the pain that comes with it don't disappear after 10 years another reality I slowly crashed into. and Loving her even more wishing that God would bring her back so we can fix this. I lost my only child june3rd 2017 she was 22 from heroin I found her I do not want to live she was my only reason for living she was my life. I wish I were there to give you a hug. Hi Sharon He was like a Dad to me since my own wasnt he stepped up and took very good care of me. 5) Death thinks it can take you away from me. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I long everyday for my husband. I love him so. And other waves will come. Still no cause has been found. I wish you all peace. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. This year he would have retired. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. Time will pass and your hurt and suffering will diminish, and you will learn to live with it and honor the memory of your spouse, while moving forward. I have a big empty space inside that just wont go away. The pain was so great. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. , too, lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago. I lost my wife on August 12, 2018. I feel as though Im nothing. Megan truly gets it. Holly, I lost my wife early last year. I find its a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. I will never be fine that was my baby. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend. We were short 5 people for holiday dinner in one year. Thank you Jesus for steadying my arms. My heart is breaking. I had been planning to visit him, when his death happened, was telling myself to write more as he wasnt online, he used to write lengthy notes on Christmas & birthday cards. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. We were together and married for almost 42 years. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. Not my own plan. He was my hero,Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above. And the griever may find themselves thinking, this isnt any easier. Follow griever. Lean on the lord. Maybe. Am I wrong? I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. When I was a freshman in high school, I got the call I'd been dreading for 10 years. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. Im in a dead end relationship and basically just exist. Its been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. Ive had the best and no one can take his place. He was sick for 6 months and then passed. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. Holly. You pick up the pieces and go on, to create a new life for you. I pray that time will heal. This loss has left me feeling like i have lost all ability to find any happiness. Saying Im sorry for your loss doesnt cut it but being thru situations Im sorry youre lost because I know I am. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I feel I am grieving harder now then the first year after he died. I dont know whether to clarify dads gf is wrong or just to hold her. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. Excuse me BRUHH - Castro. She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. My life really feels over. I will be praying for both of us. I miss him deeply . Good luch everyone.. Worse even if you can believe it. Roger. I empathize with you. Try not to constantly think of your sadness. Hundreds of acornsresonates with me. I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago. We been together for 46 years. I have lost my dad and two brothers and for some reason right now I feel more pain then I have in a long time . You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. I have my days where just like you, I think if he takes me home tomorrow, its ok. Then I look around and realize I do still have my son and daughter and my lovely cats. I hv a beautiful daughter, but I want her 2 live, not burdened w/my emotions. People tell me i have to move on. Life is not stagnant. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. It will be two years for me in December. I can connect with these people who are finding the All destroyed by diagnosis of lung spread to brain cancer just 2 days before our 2nd daughters wedding. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. You are forever alive in my heart. Hi, I,m in the second year of my husbands death. With kids, listening and being supportive is critical. Not forgetting, blending them together. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. totally Losing a Brother I hear very little about. I lost my amazing husband to colon cancer 2 years ago. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. Oh precious fellow travellers. So these last few days when it hit me hard, he has been understanding and supportive, and knows why Im suddenly sleeping 9-10 hrs/night and hardly able to do anything during the day. brain tumor surgery. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! heart. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? I feel your pain .. We try to support each other. Look at the. Then my husband., He was my best friend. The medications are harsh but necessary. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. Im sure that everyone on here can relate to that moment. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. I am so lost still. I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. But I miss my husband every day and feel Im in an impossible situation. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago. How can we possibly ever recover. We experience the acute phase of grief, or the moment right after passing. Crying every day is my normal now. Im not sure my beliefs on that score but I do know this.live does not die. The love of my life died almost 10 months ago, and I hardly remember a day. Nothing feels right anymore. Lost. We are all torn apart. A lot of us are going through the same exact thing you are going through. Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. You know ever since he passed away. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. Wew!! I miss you. That was a good process because it helped me to HOPE that my grief would abate. Those who survive COVID-19 are often left with . Everyone expects after 2 or so weeks your life is back to normal, little do they know that reality has not yet hit you. I left the day they told me my husband was dying g to get my two young adult children. I wasnt old also I no I wasnt no spring chicken.